Growing up knowing what only seemed to be pain, feer and abandonment, I looked for a way out. A way to feel better, anything that looked exciting or fun, and I was there. Addicted to losing myself in the moment, allways searching for another way to forget and just be in the moment. Adrenalin seemed to be the easiest way to forget at first, then it was something else, as I got older there was something that didn't require a wave or a board. All it required was a picture and a look, a look that said you are desirable and pleasurable, and there I was lost in a moment forgetting the pain, but after the moment passed there I was again back in my world searching for another way to forget. As I got older still, I Looked for it in people that would never be real, but searching just like me. 

 As we searched we allways passed to the left, high in clouds of smoke in a car heading to a mountian, a beach, or to find some company in a beautiful face looking for a moment as well. Then later some found powder and pills, needles and balls of tinfoil, while i ran from those things I found something else that was there, all along.  I found my Father a king, the King of heaven who called me son, who said I love you, I forgave you, I desire you, I searched day and night for you, He called me His beloved. And in that moment I knew I found the One, and that my journey had just begun.